Psychologist Miami, Ft. Lauderdale (954) 234-0622

Tag Archives: Fear of “needing”

More Thoughts on Therapy is not for Sissies

The following ideas  are in relationship to the thoughts some people have about the reluctance to being in therapy or letting themselves feel, or cry etc. In particular I will say a bit about people who have problems with “needing”.

My experience with individuals who have problems with “needing” is as follows. First, to take the posistion that needing is to be avoided or is “bad”  is a rigid way to think or feel and is an example of  black and white thinking. It lacks the flexibility needed to optomize happiness. Very few things in life are all or nothing. In addition, people who don’t like to “need” are  frequently anti medication to which I say “I believe an enlightened view is that one should only take meds when and if you need them and when the pro’s outway the con’s. For many people who share that view of meds the real issue seems to be they might, God forgive, discover that they “need” the meds.  This is frequently out of awareness. 

So what is the story with the issue of reluctance to “need”? First, it is interesting to note why “needing” has salience in the first place. For a majority of people I know, that simply is something they don’t think about or have a problem with. It is my contention that in their formative years their association and experience to “needing” was negative. Early in therapy there are usually more contemparary experiences that are thought to give rise to the reluctance to “need”. On closer examination it is usually the earliest experiences that sets the stage for this. There are a plethera of reasons for this. Some common reasons are their parents or primary caregivers (that’s psyche speak for which I apologize), simply did not meet their reasonable dependency or nurtering needs, again for many reasons. For other’s they fear their unmet needs (usually unconscious or out of awareness) will rear it’s ugly head and they will be controlled by the “other” (both animate and inanimate) because of there perceived need. If in childhood that didn’t turn out so well then it only makes sense to avoid that in the present. Again a “duh”.

If any readers have any particular concerns I would be willing to write about it so feel free to ask. I also want to mention that I frequently don’t proof read what I write. While that strategy may not be the best way to approach my blog, I am more interested in just getting my brief thoughts down.  I apologize to those who are offended by poor form but it’s the ideas that matter more to me.


Dr Cassel

Thoughts on Therapy

Some thoughts and observations from my experiences as a therapist over the past 30 years.

Please browse through these and my older posts if you are looking for a specific topic or click on a topic listed below.

If you have any questions about my therapy please call (954) 234-0622